tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64273042881079196022024-03-05T05:16:13.473-08:00The Color Grey- my journey
by a beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-3029880680030858392011-05-15T17:35:00.000-07:002011-05-15T17:35:37.064-07:00I come backI come back to you for comfort<br />
<br />
I come back to you when I need something else<br />
<br />
I come back to you when I need to be someone better<br />
<br />
I come back to you when I want to feel something<br />
<br />
I come back to you when I'm hungy<br />
<br />
You make me hungry. You make me - me.<br />
<br />
Love/Hate and mostly bad. but we do it.<br />
<br />
~ a beautiful Disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-72283954236530485782011-05-10T16:41:00.000-07:002011-05-10T16:42:30.135-07:00Tomorrow's plan<div align="center"><img class="rg_hi" data-height="163" data-width="245" height="163" id="rg_hi" src="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTfCG1eyJzlEF-xKAGD0JQ3-k75FvMN8wSIlLAYmJOO0I2xf5uUQQ" style="height: 163px; width: 245px;" width="245" /></div>Tomorrow I am just eating milk and fruit. I read that this is a good diet to do when wanting jumpstart a weight loss. The protein and fat in the milk keeps you going and the natural sugars and energy from the fruit do too. <br />
<br />
The plan is<br />
One glass of milk for breakfast<br />
Unlimited fruit for lunch<br />
One glass of milk for supper<br />
Unlimited fruit anytime in the day<br />
<br />
I would like to carry this on for a few days. But its really hard to eat on my own plan, with my family. They are big into eating meals together... Tomorrow I will be gone for every meal so it will work i know! Thursday, I have yet to figure out how to be "gone" over lunch. We'll see!<br />
<br />
~A beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-91407174988860404162011-05-10T06:44:00.000-07:002011-05-10T06:44:27.629-07:00She's Perfect... She's my sisterMy sister... <br />
<br />
She is my mothers dream child.<br />
<br />
She tells my mom everything about her life. She asks for advice from her. She talks to my mom all the time. She gets good grades. She is twenty. She is a Christian. She does not date (what could make my parents happier?). She is the oldest, the first born. She's slow to get mad. She is gorgeous. She looks like my mom. She has dark brown hair. Beautiful features. Unique, but modest and adorable style. A perfect body. She looks good in anything.<br />
<br />
She's home now - for the summer. In January of this year, she decided that she was going to move to college. After living there this past semester, she decided that she likes living at home better during college. And what could make my mom happier.<br />
<br />
She usulaly comes and visits on the weekends, but I dont see her much because my weekends are so busy. But last week, she came home for the summer. And even though she has only been living at college during the weekdays for 4 months... i've forgot what its like living with her.<br />
<br />
Its a constant reminder of how I am not perfect. And how I am not good enough. not only in looks, but actions, clothing, grades, friends... you name it. Mom and my sister talk all the time, and they dont have any problem talking about me, while I'm in the next room. <br />
<br />
My sister usually nags at me constantly. Telling me that my outfit doesnt look good. "are you really going to wear that?" or "pull your shirt up" or "those pants look too tight". Telling me I dont have the right friends "why dont you do something with my friends and me tonight?" or "how about you asking *sally and *fred to do something insted?" Telling me I need to be a more devout Christian "have you thougth about becoming part of the church?" or "That music sounds really sucular" or ...... see?<br />
<br />
Now I'm starting to feel guilty about right this. It is true.... dont get me wrong. I do love my sister. I realize no one is perfect... but I feel compared to her and I cannot help my compare myself to her. The constant reminder is back....<br />
<br />
~A beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-28245793735659363692011-05-07T14:30:00.000-07:002011-05-07T14:30:23.579-07:00Beautiful. Thin.<div class="header"><h2 class="me"><span style="font-family: Arial Unicode MS; font-size: medium;"><u>beau·ti·ful</u></span></h2><h2 class="me"><span class="pronset"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="prondelim">[</span><span class="pron"><span class="boldface">byoo</span>-t<span class="ital-inline"><em><span style="font-family: Georgia;">uh</span></em></span>-f<em><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span class="ital-inline">uh</span><img alt="" border="0" class="luna-Img" src="http://sp.dictionary.com/dictstatic/dictionary/graphics/luna/thinsp.png" /></span></em>l</span><span class="prondelim">]</span> </span></span><!-- google_ad_section_end --></h2></div><div class="body"><div class="pbk"><span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><strong><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">–adjective</span> </em></strong></span></span><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">1.</span> </span></span></span><div class="dndata"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">having</span> </span><span><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/beauty" jquery1304803546106="80" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;">beauty</a><span id="hotword">; </span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">having</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">qualities</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">that</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">give</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">great</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">pleasure</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">satisfaction</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">to</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">see,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">hear,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">think</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">about,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">etc.;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">delighting</span> </span><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/the" jquery1304803546106="81">the</a><span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">senses</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">mind:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="cursor: default;">beautiful</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">dress;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">beautiful</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">speech.</span> </em></span></span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">2.</span> </span></span></span><div class="dndata"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">excellent</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">its</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">kind:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">beautiful</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">putt</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">on</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">seventh</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">hole;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">The</span> </em></span><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/chef" jquery1304803546106="82"><em>chef</em></a><span id="hotword"><em> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">served</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">us</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">beautiful</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">roast</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">beef.</span> </em></span></span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">3.</span> </span></span></span><div class="dndata"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">wonderful;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">very</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">pleasing</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">satisfying.</span> </span></div><div class="dndata"><span></span> </div><div class="dndata"><span></span> </div><div class="dndata"><span><div class="header"><h2 class="me"><span style="font-family: Arial Unicode MS; font-size: medium;"><u>thin</u></span></h2><!-- google_ad_section_start(weight=ignore) --><noscript></noscript><span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><strong><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">adjective,</span> </em></strong></span></span><span class="secondary-bf"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">thin·ner,</span> </span></span><span class="secondary-bf"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">thin·nest,</span> </span></span><span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><strong><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword">adverb,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">verb,</span> </em></strong></span></span><span class="secondary-bf"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">thinned,</span> </span></span><span class="secondary-bf"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">thin·ning.</span> </span></span></div><div class="body"><div class="pbk"><span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><strong><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword">–adjective</span> </em></strong></span></span><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">1.</span> </span></span></span><div class="dndata"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">having</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">relatively</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">little</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">extent</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">from</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">one</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">surface</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">side</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">to</span> </span><a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/the" jquery1304803633098="87">the</a><span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">opposite;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">not</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">thick:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">thin</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">ice.</span> </em></span></span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">2.</span> </span></span></span><div class="dndata"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">small</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">cross</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">section</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">in</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">comparison</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">with</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">length;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">slender:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">thin</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">wire.</span> </em></span></span></div></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">3.</span> </span></span></span><div class="dndata"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">having</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">little</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">flesh;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">spare;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">lean:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">thin</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">man.</span> </em></span></span></div><div class="dndata"><span class="ital-inline"><span><em></em></span></span> </div><div class="dndata"><span class="ital-inline"><span></span></span> </div><div class="dndata"><span class="ital-inline"><span><img class="rg_hi" data-height="194" data-width="259" height="194px" id="rg_hi" src="data:image/jpg;base64,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" style="height: 194px; width: 259px;" width="259px" /></span></span></div><div class="dndata"><span class="ital-inline"><span></span></span> </div><div class="dndata"><span class="ital-inline"><span>Isn't it funny how we connect the two?</span></span></div><div class="dndata"><span class="ital-inline"><span></span></span> </div><div class="dndata"><span class="ital-inline"><span>~a beautiful disaster</span></span></div></div></div></div></span></div></div></div></div>a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-89917239696874772722011-05-06T20:01:00.000-07:002011-05-06T20:13:26.729-07:00Now... am I old?It was my birthday today! I turned 18! <br />
<br />
Its crazy thinking I'm really 18. Sometimes i think Im younger than that, and sometimes i feel older. I hope its a great year.. <br />
<br />
today was wonderful though. I went on a bike ride with my sister. went rollar blading with my family at the park. did some homework outside while my 2 cats slepted beside me. ate supper with my family and opened presents. and watch a the movie "when in rome". it was good :)<br />
<br />
School is just about out. I have finals next week. and im working on a diet plan for when im out... im planning to refocuse beacuse this whole semester i feel out of controll. <br />
<br />
this is such an inspiring picutre. i look at it, and think of how many words and emotions it captured.. millions. i just can stair and wonder.<br />
<br />
<img class="rg_hi" data-height="183" data-width="275" height="183px" id="rg_hi" src="http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSLs4nYVSQoaTg_6WQuhGGX5QbWMmtWLNKIg1wg8W07GxbBJaem" style="height: 183px; width: 275px;" width="275px" /><br />
lovee<br />
~ a beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-31513454707915162602011-04-25T21:22:00.000-07:002011-04-25T21:23:28.398-07:00Whats causing it for you?Believe it or not, anorexia isn’t really about food and weight—at least not at its core. Eating disorders are much more complicated than that. The food and weight-related issues are symptoms of something deeper: things like depression, loneliness, insecurity, pressure to be perfect, or feeling out of control. Things that no amount of dieting or weight loss can cure.<br />
<br />
I do not have anorexia... but I've struggled with these things. And think of poeple like me, or poeple who do have anorexia. Theres always something deeper. For me, it was rejection, stress, rebellion, more stress, a rough time with friends and my parents, and a time of wondering who i was.<br />
<br />
~A beautiful Disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-65095777617413235812011-04-23T21:37:00.000-07:002011-04-23T21:37:07.451-07:00dealing with thingspeople deal with things in different ways<br />
<br />
sometimes i pray<br />
<br />
sometimes i run<br />
<br />
sometimes i eat<br />
<br />
and sometimes i dont eat....<br />
<br />
this time... im not eatinga beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-11370048958265089202011-04-21T15:21:00.001-07:002011-04-21T15:21:14.790-07:00Wanna no a secret?Since January, I have ate completely different. MORE. but also CONSISTENT. and guess what? I have MAINTAINED the same weight as when I starved, purdged, binged. <br />
<br />
Its quite amazing really :)<br />
<br />
But Im not satisfied with myself still. I have LEARNED that it doesnt pay to starve. But I haven't learned to love my body. I dont have a drastic weight loss goal as before... of 90 pounds. But i want to be 100. Hopefully 110 for summer. Currently I'm 123. Yes... that hurt to say. But im glad its been a steady 123... and jumping around everywhere b/c of my habits last year. <br />
<br />
love to you all. You are beautiful!<br />
<br />
~a beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-50142997390432628322011-03-28T19:35:00.000-07:002011-03-28T19:35:08.808-07:00Be strong<div style="text-align: center;"><strong><em>Be strong in the Lord and,<br />
Never give up hope,<br />
You're going to do great things,<br />
I already know,<br />
God's got His hand on you so,<br />
Don't live life in fear,<br />
Forgive and forget,<br />
But don't forget why you're here,<br />
Take your time and pray,<br />
These are the words I would say</em></strong></div><br />
<br />
We always tell eachother to "be strong" when we are struggling with food. But we mean it in a way of "i dont need food, stay strong and resist the temptation" I'm talking of something completely different. Take food out of the picture, competely.<br />
<br />
~ a beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-73408482499282716682011-03-11T20:34:00.000-08:002011-03-11T20:34:47.250-08:00GIRLS, I NEED YOUR HELP!Tomorrow night (saturday)... im going on a "date?" not sure what to call it. Im scared to call it a date, because I'm so incredible nevervous. So its with a guy that I posted about last... and i hardly ever see him. So it has the potential to be awkward... but im determind for it not to be. How can i do that? <br />
But I have a delima... we are going out for supper. Supper... which requires ME eating in front of a GUY.. and let a lone, a guy who i kinda like. This is huge for me. I hate eating infront of people, and especially guys. And it will just be me and him... which means he will see me eat every bite that I take. What do I order? If i get a salad I'll look like a freak and he'll ask me questions about it... like everyone does when i order a salad. "is that all your oging to eat?".. or "why did you get a salad, get some real food"... it never fails.<br />
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haha you probably laughing, yess im probably over analyzing it. But still... this is the first time i've been on a "one - on - one" date. and even since "group" dating its been a while. ohh god, please help me :oa beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-87024135677565849882011-03-07T23:30:00.000-08:002011-03-07T23:30:21.154-08:00talkingggg!!Rememer when I wrote about that boy in the fall 6 months ago? (ofcourse not! oh god) but anyhoww were talking again. Im on the phone with him right now, and its 1:23 AM!! We've been talking sence 10:30... haha ohhh my its fun:)a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-9037901359607938532011-03-05T20:43:00.000-08:002011-03-05T20:44:22.480-08:00Detox fast<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT2H_oAOcfSXiXhV92gUEHa0PbllMp1miYdTY_kZ2H7ktSUUwL8BQ" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_hi" data-height="186" data-width="271" height="186" id="rg_hi" src="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT2H_oAOcfSXiXhV92gUEHa0PbllMp1miYdTY_kZ2H7ktSUUwL8BQ" style="height: 186px; width: 271px;" width="271" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Ever feel like you need a fresh start? </div><br />
Tomorrow is going to be a day to clear out some of the crappy food in my body by fasting. If absolutly necissary I'll have some cucumber. I have 2 tests on monday and I'm not willing to sacrifice grades. But my weight needs to be taken care of, and i need a 'new start'. <br />
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I am incredibly happy. The past few days i've been on cloud 9, and i have no idea why.<br />
~ a beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-55272123477685936862011-03-03T20:24:00.000-08:002011-03-03T20:24:21.223-08:00I'll be okay<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/IYqRfQ5G4as?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>I love this song... Its not my typical style at all! But it sooths me, and makes me believe that everything will be okay. You can't help but love it. Your an amazing artist Joshua Radin!a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-1729113935966905012011-02-28T21:11:00.000-08:002011-02-28T21:11:30.136-08:00spring and then summer... im gotta be ready<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTKLt-xh_nK0Ilech0le00UcnK8cgmCKK3HXXPSY9BGghbLHKy1" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_hi" data-height="201" data-width="251" height="201" id="rg_hi" src="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTKLt-xh_nK0Ilech0le00UcnK8cgmCKK3HXXPSY9BGghbLHKy1" style="height: 201px; width: 251px;" width="251" /></a>Last summer... I spent my time saying "i will get fit and lose weight" but failed beacuse I spent too much time sleeping in and getting lazy. I tried to dress in outfits that covered what i didnt like, and made me look thinner. I want my summer to be free and fun... and i dont want to have to worry about covering myself up. I want to rock a bikini, and be the girl that turns guys heads in a pair of shorts. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">And i obviously must start that BEFORE summer gets here:) Im going to start exercising in the mornings... i will work into it doing 30 min work outs, and then work into longer ones. I am still keeping my 1000 cal a day limit too. I need to try to stick to this a littler closer as i have become a little more than carless...Im going to be honest with you.</div><br />
I will start trying to post every day, and tell you how my day went and whatever else.a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-31072371642851718792011-02-24T19:55:00.000-08:002011-02-24T19:55:20.125-08:00Untitled (loss for a better name)Hello faithful blog readers.. or may your aren't faithful and just happened to click onto my blog, eather way, hello:) I am sitting in bed with my laptop and spanish flash cards. (yes, flash cards.) If you ever think you are too old for flash cards, think again. Im a sophmore in college and I just made a whole bunch yesterday. <br />
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I wanted to focuse on something different in this post. I feel like im always focusing on my diet, food, weight... ect. I come off so depressing and a downer. And I appologise. I am happy for the most part, i really am! Its just that when i am frustrated and mad, I think "blog!". <br />
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I want to say that I respect ANYONE who knows a second language! Its hard learning! and I'm learning spanish... which is supposidly one of the easiest languages to learn! I'm realizing how much there is to learn and remember and oh my, it can be overwelming at times.<br />
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<em>A side note: I am starting to consume a limit for 1000 calories a day. This is a higher limit than before, but its do able and eaiser to stick too. I calculated, and if i stick to this for 2 months, it will drop 10-15 pounds. Im going to start exercising in the mornings for 30 to 60 minutes to get me burning fat through the day:)</em>a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-37972164227551657522011-02-17T12:08:00.000-08:002011-02-17T12:08:50.515-08:00All these voices<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQFM2BihhuI2_50RzgInjtmn_2o8EjLGKj6V6biItECSr6-qj8D3g" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_hi" data-height="185" data-width="272" height="185" id="rg_hi" src="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQFM2BihhuI2_50RzgInjtmn_2o8EjLGKj6V6biItECSr6-qj8D3g" style="height: 185px; width: 272px;" width="272" /></a>Food is my enemy. I hate food. Food hates me. Some days I dont think i can live without it, and others I want nothing to do with it. I don't even know who I am anymore. There are so many voices in my head. One tells me never to eat again. One tells me to eat. One tells me to love, and the other tells me to hate. One tells me to focuse on school that I must get straight A's. And the other tells me I'm dumb and useless and will never do that good. But the loudest voice are the voices telling me to eat and not to eat. Its hard to decide which one to listen to sometimes... Its like there a little people inside me telling me what to do, pulling and tugging me in all different directions. I dnt feel in control, I must control these little people.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-41794651998242173152011-02-16T15:05:00.000-08:002011-02-16T15:11:21.306-08:00And I wonder why...Day after day, same mistake, same thing. Why can I not prevent this terrible fatting frustating thing from happening daily? I do well in the morning, and between 3-4:30 ruin it all. eating around 500 cals all in carbs. Its terrible. and then ofcourse my body stores it as fat because of the overload of food it has gotten all at one time. Tomorrow I'm going to try drinking tea aroudn that time to prevent this.<br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><strong><em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"This one step - choosing a goal and staying to it - changes everything." - Scott Reed</span></em></strong></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">This was me last summer in FL on the beach. yes i cropped it, I like the focus on my shoes and bracelet, and the saturated color:)</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">~a beautiful disaster</div>a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-80021578639078317842011-02-15T20:12:00.000-08:002011-02-15T20:12:23.547-08:00After this long timeWhere have I been? I've been lost... unsure of who I was or am. I kept trying to grab a hold of myself, restrict again, but couldnt seem to grasp it. Im still struggling with that. I have so many emotions going on inside of me right now, and so many voices in my head. I dont want to go back, but yet, i dont feel like I was ever completely there. I want to be thin, and have my clothes hang on me. I think its beautiful. But part of me doesnt want the pressure of living up to my standerds and have the dissapointment, tireness, moodiness and stress that comes with it. But still, a voice in my head very strongly is telling me to not eat. Maybe if I set a small weight goal, of losing 5 pounds, I can see how i feel at the end of it, and decide if I will continue on. Kind of a trial. Maybe I will be able to pull myself out, but I am feeling its almost a trap. No one knows about me and what i think of myself and food-what im really like. <br />
starting weight- 122 (gained being 'lost')<br />
gweight-117 (soon to be reached)<br />
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~a beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-58171888887569265732010-12-12T19:36:00.000-08:002010-12-12T19:36:37.055-08:00I swear my scale is brokeI haven't updated forever, and I regret it - big time. But I feel so ashamed of myself, I cant bring myself to make a post, nowing that I can only say how badly I have been doing... still trying to gain control. But here's the thing... my scale says I am TWO pounds lighter than when I felt like I lost control about 2 weeks ago. (i know, its terrible that its been two weeks that i feel like a freakin maniack)... I cant understand how I am lighter.... unless eating a little more food has boosted my motabolism, its just crazy. I dont trust that scale though, i dont. <br />
Tomorrow I have finals... and then starting the next day I am going to begin restring as much as possible for a week. this might be hard becaues I wont be away at school and my family eats meals together, but I will be restringing non-the-less. <br />
~a beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-71163079207671023422010-12-07T21:19:00.001-08:002010-12-07T21:19:59.708-08:00distant....I am drifting... I look in the miror and see fat building by the second. I am sick of not being in control this past week. Back to control tomorrow. No more binging or purdging and consuming less that 600 cals a day for 2 weeks. <br />
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Looking back at what weight goal i set at the end of the summer for dec, i see how much of a failier i am by not meeting it, not even close. I must consume myself with this again... i dont like not being in controla beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-60209073616952862392010-12-04T00:00:00.000-08:002010-12-04T00:04:37.457-08:00a boy....There's a boy. He's gorgeous. He's sweet. He's strong. He's nice. He's perfect. <br />
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I am not sure why I am thinking this is much more than it probably is. I am about positive he likes me. I might like him. We've been texting and facebooking all day long and late into the night for a few weeks now. I love talking to him. He loves talking to me.<br />
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But he lives 1 and 1/2 hrs away. If i liked him, and if he liked me, how could it work? I promised myself I wouldnt get involved with a boy unless I lost a certant amount of weight. I havent yet met that. Its been a while since i've seen him, so how does that work? we have to hang out before it to go any further.<br />
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I'm okay with it staying like this. that way i can focus on reaching my goal first. but still I wonder. It might be nice. <br />
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Last night when we were texting, we were playing the question game. He asked me where I liked to shop/ what my style was. I responded with a list of a few stores. He text back and asked if I wore skinny jeans, if that was part of my style. When i responded saying that I love skinny jeans and mostly have that kind of jean he said 'good, i like skinny' <br />
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He didnt mean it in that way at all. But to me, I take that one sentence out of the conversation, and bam, i have inspiration. <br />
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Im crazy i know. A boy who lives far a way. a boy who i text every day. a boy who i havent seen in a long time. a boy who might be perfect.<br />
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~ a beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-4723317603235155312010-12-02T12:08:00.000-08:002010-12-02T12:08:05.350-08:00Misson 115 updateMission 115 started today... I know this is going to be really tough... but I am hoping that through perserverence and my strong will power that I can over ride my freakin stumach. No one needs as much food as they think... therefore I will be perfectly fine with my 100 or 200 cals! The hard part is working around my family, but we'll manage :) <br />
Today i skipped breakfast (as usual) and came home had 1 cup of light vegetable soup (only 60 cals) and a pickle (0) and 1 serving of brocolie (my serving of veg for the day that doesnt count towards the total cals) the soup was obviously very watery and only a few vegetables in it, because it was so low cal, but I feel full! and that only was 60 cals! pretty amazing... <br />
I have to work over supper, so that will work out just perfect. When I come home I will have 1/3 cup low fat yoget (30) and 1 serving of fruit. Then will exercise for an hour.<br />
I hope you day is going good, whatever it is your are going through, keep plugging away, you can make it through.<br />
~a beautiful disastera beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-69206963231338183662010-11-30T20:04:00.000-08:002010-11-30T20:04:59.917-08:00Mission 115<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSc97UzmNSYdcthVCWbqmYAb9ea5fi-CvX9LWgVLLvdzUezPi7N" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_hi" data-height="201" data-width="251" height="201" id="rg_hi" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSc97UzmNSYdcthVCWbqmYAb9ea5fi-CvX9LWgVLLvdzUezPi7N" style="height: 201px; width: 251px;" width="251" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I have been working on this plan for a few days, thinking about it and all, and I am have planned a 7 day diet in which I plan to lose 5-6 pounds in order to reach 115 pounds. It hurts to think that I am trying to get to 115, when i no that is still fat and far from where I need to be. But From there I will creat new "missions" and they will be different diet plans that i can work through and towards. This one is going to be tough, but who said losing 5-6 pounds in 7 days was easy? </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I'll tell you my plan! first day I eat 100 cals, the next 200 cals, then back to 100, then 200, 100, 200... you get the idea. One serving of fruit and one serving of vegetables (both fresh:) are allowed ontop of the calorie amount. 60 ounces of water a day, and one to two calorie free caffinated drink, and one 20 calorie energy vitamin drink mix a day. I will exercise 1 hour each day and do 15-20 min of toning. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Thats my tomorrow and next 7 days! It will tricky trying to stear around my family... because we eat a far amount of meals together (i have to eat with them one a day usally is how it works out...) But when there's a will, there is a way! </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">wishing you a good tomorrow whatever it may bring you</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">~a beautiful disaster</div>a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-87666511909339438352010-11-29T11:56:00.000-08:002010-11-29T11:56:33.067-08:00Diary Entry #1Hey there blog readers :) I am planning on blogging a "diary entry" at least once a week. I don't like to talk about myself a lot, but obviously this diary entry will be about me, my stats, diet, all that good and exciting stuff that I obsses over. <a href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR1I_HoiG9oh5b9hln_2I_u10gh4RiGSCPFZ0mvFGVovUR9h22Y" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_hi" data-height="277" data-width="182" height="277" id="rg_hi" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR1I_HoiG9oh5b9hln_2I_u10gh4RiGSCPFZ0mvFGVovUR9h22Y" style="height: 277px; width: 182px;" width="182" /></a><br />
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Diary Entry #1 <br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em>Why do I feel like this? I end up being so quiet, concealed, and distant from my family. They love me, I know I feel that they dont sometimes, but they do, and I know I hurt them. But I have to be thinner... it is always on my mind. This weekend I went to a different state to be with some friends. Eating didn't go too bad... but still there were times when I should have not ate things at all, or ate much less. Like when I had 1/2 of a chocolate pudding desert. I shouldn't have ate that, that should have been obvious to me, and yet I somehow my hunger over rides my concious at times. Right now I am not on a specific diet... just trying not to eat alot, and tracking my calories on my phone. I would like it if I stayed under 700 cals because when I eat more than that, I feel like FAT cow. I haven't decided which diet yet, but I am planning on starting one on friday. </em></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp6HSFVcS0rgfTncVrFRKGqpf-ViOmotqeAcMDK0vamkyJxDzlWenbSeGM6nrc2u27P9KojQKG6nstOeGyyThj-5iySwuRU0uELlzAVWA6a-FSds2XFZZjGiOzOBBIWXhlGRsz8Zq6Drk/s1600/imagesCAOQ3FPG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp6HSFVcS0rgfTncVrFRKGqpf-ViOmotqeAcMDK0vamkyJxDzlWenbSeGM6nrc2u27P9KojQKG6nstOeGyyThj-5iySwuRU0uELlzAVWA6a-FSds2XFZZjGiOzOBBIWXhlGRsz8Zq6Drk/s200/imagesCAOQ3FPG.jpg" width="200" /></a><em>Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I see fat on...I think im getting fatter. I know the scale doesn't say that, but what if it's broke or something? I really hate my stumach... It's not toned enough. Infact my whole body needs more toning and "fat removal". I used to exericse every day, but college has gotten so busy with homework. I must start again, its been a week since i last exercised. I last weighed myself 4 days ago and was a freakin 121 pounds. Which put me up 2 pounds from the day before.. wtf? I'm determined. I am sick of being 5foot and 3 inches and fat. More restricting... I'm sick of being fat. </em></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em>~ a beautiful disaster</em></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><em>(</em>I'm sorry this was so long... I will try to make them sorter... things just started porring out...oh I have so much to tell you all )a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6427304288107919602.post-81058436257426616102010-11-26T22:04:00.000-08:002010-11-26T22:04:13.947-08:00Perfect excericses for after Thanksgiving!<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSAU2BY8BWuKdmdy5FQNlF1ThnY1fOmHK-k3XyluTkMkQfEojGOUg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_hi" data-height="275" data-width="183" height="275" id="rg_hi" src="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSAU2BY8BWuKdmdy5FQNlF1ThnY1fOmHK-k3XyluTkMkQfEojGOUg" style="height: 275px; width: 183px;" width="183" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Feeling like you ate a little or lot too much? I know the feeling. I hate that feeling....</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Try these great set of ab work outs to tone up the midle and work off some of those Thanksgiving calorise.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><h3>1 - Hanging Knee Raise</h3><strong>The hanging knee raise is one of my favorites and is the best exercise for the lower abs by far. Your legs are quite heavy objects and using your abs to lift them up and then to do a reverse crunch is an excellent method of targetting and punishing the lower abs.</strong><br />
<strong>The hanging knee raise should be done slowly whilst hanging from a chin up bar. You should never swing your legs in place but instead the motion should be controlled and your abs should be tensed throughout the whole ROM.</strong><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><strong>2. Bicycle Crunches</strong> Recently a fitness book I was reading wrote that in their studies of the abs exercises it was the bicycle crunch that caused the abs to tense the most. It was (supposedly) twice as effective as the crunch for ‘crunching’ your abs.<br />
I found this interesting and so I began experimenting with it. At first I pumped them out quickly and didn’t find them very challenging at all. However, when I slowed down the bike crunch and focussed on my abs and my breathing I found that it worked quite well.<br />
The idea is to mix both the lower and the upper abs in one exercise. You fully extend out one leg while the other is bent and you touch your opposite elbow to the bent leg as if you are doing a twisting crunch. Then you repeat for the other side without taking any rest or dropping your torso back down so the whole time you are doing them your upper body is in a crunch position. It’s tough.<br />
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3. Sprinting<br />
What the…? I hear you all say! Sprinting? Is she crazy? Well, you won’t find this listed at any other fitness site as a great abs exercise.<br />
When people are in sprinting training there abs grow like no other time. It is a mixture of the faster weight loss and the massive amounts of horemones that are released when the fast running is done. Also, the art of running is quite beneficial to the abs.<br />
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Good luck on them, i hope you enjoy them! they can be hard, but I know you can do it ;)<br />
~a beautiful disaster</span>a beautiful disasterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09296277685319426796noreply@blogger.com0