Where have I been? I've been lost... unsure of who I was or am. I kept trying to grab a hold of myself, restrict again, but couldnt seem to grasp it. Im still struggling with that. I have so many emotions going on inside of me right now, and so many voices in my head. I dont want to go back, but yet, i dont feel like I was ever completely there. I want to be thin, and have my clothes hang on me. I think its beautiful. But part of me doesnt want the pressure of living up to my standerds and have the dissapointment, tireness, moodiness and stress that comes with it. But still, a voice in my head very strongly is telling me to not eat. Maybe if I set a small weight goal, of losing 5 pounds, I can see how i feel at the end of it, and decide if I will continue on. Kind of a trial. Maybe I will be able to pull myself out, but I am feeling its almost a trap. No one knows about me and what i think of myself and food-what im really like.
starting weight- 122 (gained being 'lost')
gweight-117 (soon to be reached)
~a beautiful disaster
I'm so sorry that you're having a tough time. I know it's emotionally and physically exhausting but keep strong. Do what you think is best for you x
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